Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Life Before Death

So earlier today we were going through pictures on my computer and I noticed that I find it very hard to look at pictures of anytime before I had my Kimberly. One in particular stood out. It was taken on my birthday almost 3 months before I had Kimberly. I looked at it and saw a picture of someone that I did not recognize anymore. At first I couldn't see exactly what it was that stood out and then it hit me....it was all in the eyes. The woman I saw in that image was one who had not known pain. There was no pain in her eyes. No lines around the eyes formed from all the endless nights of crying. No bags from all of the sleepless nights. Nothing. The one I saw was full of hope, happy, truly happy. I wish I could go back to that time. Go back to that happiness before pain touched those eyes. Now I look at myself and see that I really am just a shell of a person that I used to be. Maybe now for the better yet the hurt and suffering have left me worn, torn, and definitely without the full happiness that I can never get back.


  1. (((Mary))) Always thinking of you and Kimberly. I like to think that loss does change us, but sometimes, in someways, it makes us better, stronger. I think that is what gets me through.