Feeling blue, is easy to do, when your baby's in Heaven

So many things are rushing through my head these days. I have so much on my plate right now and it seems like I just don't know how to even cope or where to begin.

Kimberly's 2nd birthday in Heaven is fast approaching and I find myself falling apart. I am scared to give in to the feeling. Scared that I will once again shatter into a million different pieces all at once. I hate that feeling. I miss my little girl more than I can ever express. No amount of words can capture the depth of my hurt. I more than anything want to see my little angel. I want to have her safely in my arms and I just can't. Why? Why me? Why my little girl? Why was I chosen to walk this journey. Time is supposed to ease the pain and it does, but then there are times like this when all of a sudden it hits you like a ton of bricks and sets you back to square one.

Sometimes I feel so alone. In a world filled with real people, with real voices surrounding me, I still find myself feeling like I am standing in a world all by myself. A world surrounded in grief and pain beyond measure. I know I seem like I am in the real world, at least to the outside world, but I truly am not. I function in my own world. I am trying at times to pull myself out of this darkness and I often get glimpses of light only to eventually be thrown back in. I feel like I have this cloud hanging over my very existence. It looms over me and embraces me into it's gloomy air.

I feel trapped at this moment and all I want is my little girl back.